I got cancelled this morning. My lining increased slightly but not enough.
My RE mentioned she suspects I may have gotten a bad batch of estrogen? That worries me a little. How often does THAT happen?
She was going to give me a shot of Provera today to induce my period but I didn't want it for the beach next week so we're going to wait until I get back.
If I happen to get it naturally while I'm gone, I'll have to start bc pills again for 3 weeks.
I thought I was prepared for the news this morning and I did OK while I was there.
And, then, I got to work and started bawling at my desk. I thought it was best if I worked from home the rest of the day. No one wants to deal with that.
Plus, I'm not a good crier. My eyes stay bloodshot for hours, although they do turn an awesome shade of blue. :)
I'm really beginning to wonder if this is ever going to work for me. I know we all go through this and I'll probably feel better tomorrow but it's so fucking unfair right now.
It makes the ectopic sting all that much more. I had it and would've had a kid by now. I know it's not good to think about the past and what could've been but how can I not?
It's also hard not to blame myself - even though I know it's just medicine and biology. I feel like I failed. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard - for all of us.
On the brightside, at least I get to drink at the beach.
7 comments:
I understand your pain and frustration. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find your time and the beach to be restorative and peaceful. Enjoy your drink(s)!!!
I'm so, so sorry. I'm thinking of you.
So sorry.
I hope you have a great time at the beach. Enjoy the drinks :)
I am so sorry. That's disappointing and I hate that it happened to you. Hopefully you will be able to relax a bit on vacation, and can know that this was just a fluke, because your body knew exactly what to do during the first regular cycle.
I'm so sorry they cancelled the cycle. (hugs) to you. I do hope you are able to enjoy your time at the beach.
Ugh... unfortunately, the delays and cancellations are things we're all too familiar with.
How ironic that the people who can least afford the wait for whatever reasons, keep getting delayed, cancelled etc.
I see you were trying to be strong--but sometimes it's just really hard to pretend that all is okay or that one is dealing well with the 'disappointments'.
As usual, praying for only the best.
Best of Wishes & Have fun at the beach.
Anna.
Ahhh... you could use a hug.
*HUG*
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