I was a complete and utter mess last Saturday. You know when you hear people say that it feels like a bad dream? That's really how it feels.
I still find myself thinking, "Oh, she's just in the kitchen" and then that pit comes back in my stomach and I remember that she's gone.
I wonder when I'll get to the point that it seems more normal not to have her here instead of the opposite?
Each day that I came home from work, I had another challenge to face. I placed another order for her IV bags and her prescription food the day before she died so I knew those items would come this week.
I'm OK if I'm expecting it.
I got home Tuesday and grabbed the mail. There were 3 sympathy cards: one from our vet, one from the emergency vet and one from my MIL.
I decided to open the one from our vet first because I knew that would be the one that got me.
The owner wrote a very nice note inside which made me cry. A lot.
I didn't expect anything unusual from the emergency vet because they didn't know us or Kaly.
I opened the card and something fell to the table.
It was Kaly's paw prints and a clipping of her fur.
Game over. I've never cried that hard in my entire life. I literally had to sit down.
It was one of the nicest gestures and I am truly grateful for their thoughtfulness.
We decided to have Kaly cremated and she came home on Thursday. I found some comfort in knowing that she was with us again.
I cleared a shelf beside our fireplace and that's her place now.
I still feel like I'm walking around in a haze with this constant feeling that something is wrong.
I know it will get easier and I knew I'd be sad but I wasn't prepared for such intense grief.
It sucks. It really, really sucks.
We went and saw our vet last night. We hadn't talked to him at all but he did leave a message for us on Monday.
I had 24 IV bags and a 16 lb bag of food that had been sitting in my kitchen all week. I needed to get rid of them.
He gave me a hug and I said "Don't make me cry" and he said "Don't you make me cry". When we parted, he was teary-eyed and I thought that was the nicest thing.
We were getting ready to leave and he said "I know she was yours but I always thought of her as mine too - she was my Friday night gal" (because her appts were always on Fridays).
I know he misses her as much as we do.
6 comments:
I'm sorry, Suzanne. Many hugs.
I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. Sounds like you really have a wonderful vet that cares so much.
Hugs to you.
I am so sorry. My eyes filled with tears just reading about the wonderful gesture from your emergency vet. I am glad that you have that memento to remember your Kaly.
Ahhh... Suzanne,
This was a very painful post to read-- so I can only imagine the intense grief you're feeling.
Your vets and MIL have been very supportive and thoughtful...and what a special place you have there for Kaly.
I truly hope with time your pain diminishes.
Praying for some comfort and joy to enter your life at this moment.
Take care,
Anna
I'm so sorry. That pic of the paws and the fur is so sweet - what a thoughtful gesture. I'm sorry your heart hurts right now. Big hugs.
Oh, I'm so sorry. As you know, I lost my girl, Kyra, over three weeks ago and much of what you have written echoes what I have felt. The grief is so enormous right now. I too expect to walk in and see Kyra laying there or find myself calling out her name to come for a walk.
My sympathy goes out to you. I am certain you gave her a wonderful life. The paw prints are beautiful (making me wish I had gotten Kyra's). Hopefully your girl and mine have found each other, wherever they are, and are playing as they once did in their youth. I'm keeping you in my thoughts. **HUGS**
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