In the mood

One of my favorite seasons is autumn. I love when the hot summer weather starts to turn cool at night so you have to reach for your favorite sweatshirt.

Football season is about to start and thoughts of chili and beer are floating around in my head.

I also love when autumn gives way to the first frost. It means Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner! My favorite two holidays.

I've been thinking about these 2 holidays quite a bit lately. I'm sure it's because the twins are due between Halloween and Thanksgiving.

But, mostly, it's because they will be here for Christmas.

Christmas has always been a big event in my family. I can remember watching cartoon classics like Frosty the Snowman and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas and my grandfather teasing us that 'Ole Fat Stuff was coming down the chimney tonight. I can remember going to bed but not being able to sleep because of the butterflies in my stomach. As I got older, I remember my mom, dad and grandparents staying up until the wee hours of the morning attempting to put together toys for my little sister so it would look like Santa came. I can remember making my dad and grandfather eat the cookies and milk left for Santa's reindeer. It was always special. Every year.

Ever since we started trying to get pregnant, I've always dreamt of sharing all of the traditions and magic with my own family. My own children. After years of disappointment, I started to realize it might not happen. Ever.

I feel so blessed the twins will be here for their first Christmas this year. They won't be old enough to understand but it's still special. Just the thought of sitting with them beside the fire and Christmas tree makes me cry. Damn pregnancy hormones... I'm doing it now.

This was taken last year:

I started searching for Christmas outfits a few weeks ago.  This year, we'll have our first family photo.  This year will be OUR year to send those cute cards that used to make me gag.  This year will be OUR year to show off our beautiful children.

My heart still aches for those who haven't beaten IF.  I am so painfully aware that our road could've taken a different turn and we'd be facing another holiday season childless. I wish I knew why some of us are able to cross over to the "other side" while others are still subjected to the pain and hurt.  It's not fair.  It's just not fair.

I hope everyone can find some peace as the holidays approach.