Halloween - Why It's Now Bittersweet to Me

Ah, Halloween.  The holiday that officially welcomes Fall. 

Yes, the air begins to have the first bitter chill and children's eyes light up at the prospect of baskets of sweet candy.

I love Fall.  But, now it has a different meaning for me.  I can't think of Halloween without thinking of the twins' first Halloween. 

They had been home from the NICU for exactly 10 days.  They were 4 weeks old.  DH and I were still trying to figure out what the heck we were doing and barely able to see straight from the neverending cycle of bottles, diapers and 3 hours of sleep per day, if we were lucky.

October 31, 2009 started as usual but by late afternoon, Kendall became really fussy and would not stop crying.  We thought it was gas but after 2 hours of not being able to calm her, we started getting worried.  Could it be colick?  She showed no interest in eating and the cries became more stressed.  It was becoming obvious that something was wrong.  Should I call the pediatrician?  Are we overreacting?  What if it is just gas?

She finally fell asleep around 7:00 pm and we thought we handled it.  Whatever it was, it passed.  It was time for their bottle at 8:00 pm and when we attempted to wake her, she was lethargic and pale.  I remember standing at the changing table and thinking she looked really pale.  Blue, almost.

We decided we weren't messing around anymore and that we needed to get her to the hospital.  I called our neighbors to watch Christopher.  It was right in the middle of H1N1 flu season and we knew we couldn't take him to the hospital.  He was way too small and way too young.

We were out the door within 10 minutes.  I'll never forget the drive.  The hospital is about 10 minutes away and DH was weaving around cars and riding on the shoulder of the road so we didn't waste any time.  I was sitting in the backseat next to Kendall with my hand on her chest to make sure she was still breathing.

We checked into the ER and they took us back within 5 minutes.  The nurse asked us to undress her so they could take her weight and temperature.  The thermometer read 96 degrees and we thought it was a fluke.  Surely, her temperature wasn't 96 degrees?!  The nurse told us she worked in the NICU for 10 years and that was a relief, considering we had just spent every day of the previous 4 weeks there.

She walked us back to the exam room and started asking what had happened.  I was holding Kendall and talking to the nurse.  All of the sudden DH said, "Something's wrong".  Just as I looked down, the nurse grabbed Kendall from my arms and started rubbing her chest and shaking her gently.  She kept saying, "Come back to us, come back baby". 

Kendall had stopped breathing.

The shaking startled Kendall and her respirations started right back.  Immediately, the room took on a different feel.

4 additional nurses came in the room.  They moved in a warming bed, oxygen and immediately hooked her up to the monitors.  They started an IV.

For most parents, I think the site of their child being hooked up to monitors, IVs and oxygen would be disturbing but oddly, hospitals were comforting to us.  Juggling IV lines and monitor cords is how we got acquainted with our children for their first 3 weeks of life.  It was familiar.

The doctor came in and gave us his thoughts on what was going on.  He felt confident that she was battling some sort of infection.  The question was -- what kind?

He wanted to be proactive and start her on antibiotics immediately.  I remember him saying, "We can figure out the cause later.  Right now, we need to get her started". 

I'm convinced his decision saved my little girl's life.

Urinary tract infection was the frontrunner.  That was a relief to hear.  Easy enough to cure.

They got a urine sample and took it away to get tested.  They also drew some blood.

An hour later, the nurse came back and said her urine was clear.  Not a UTI.  

The doctor came in and mentioned bacterial meningitis.  He said we would need to do a spinal tap to be sure.  He assured me it wouldn't hurt Kendall.  The nerve endings in a newborn's spinal cord don't connect until after they are 10 weeks old so she wouldn't feel any pain.  At the same time, it also makes the spinal cord vulnerable to infection because the column hasn't closed off yet. 

30 minutes later, they were performing the spinal tap.  Kendall had stablized at that point and her body temperature came back to normal.  Yes, her temperature really was 96 degrees when we checked in.  The nurse later explained that preemies tend to drop their temperature when they have a fever.

The nurses started talking about transferring Kendall to another hospital.  One of the best on the East Coast and about an hour from our house.  They started coordinating the transfer with that hospital's PICU unit.

They wanted to Life Flight her to the hospital (via helicopter) but it was raining that night and the choppers were grounded.  We waited for an ambulance.

In the meantime, the results of her spinal tap came back.  Spinal fluid is supposed to be sterile and it was growing bacteria.

It was meningitis.  Now we needed to know what bacteria we were dealing with.

It was 2:00 am when I climbed into the ambulance with my baby.  DH left to relieve our neighbors from watching Christopher around midnight.  My sister was meeting me at the new hospital with an overnight bag.  There was NO way I was leaving Kendall's side.

The rest of that night was horribly memorable.  I never went to sleep.  I just sat beside her bed, holding her hand, sobbing and praying.

After everything we had been through.  The horrible delivery, 3 weeks in the NICU.  How could this be happening?

She spent 2 weeks in the hospital.  The doctor's weren't sure if she would suffer any long-term brain damage.  Only time would tell.  They did 2 extensive hearing tests that came back normal.  A good sign.

My little Kendall would endure one more life threatening infection one month later that landed her in the hospital for 3 weeks.  That was our first Christmas. 

Two years later, she's a thriving, smart little girl.  The doctor's are now confident that we caught the infection before any damage was done.  She should continue to grow as a normal, healthy child.

And that is the best TREAT of all.