The Grass Isn't Always Greener

I finally caught up with Tammi (see last post).  She was in great spirits, which didn't surprise me.  That's just her.

We chatted for over an hour.  A long overdue chat.  We send quick notes and emails to each other but we haven't really talked in almost 2 years.  Not like that.

She confided in me that she was going through a divorce.  A messy divorce. 

She told me her husband was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and his destructive behavior had finally taken its toll.   I understand it.  35 years later and we have that in common too.  While I'm nowhere near a divorce, I understand the damage that can be done when living with someone that has the disease.  

So, my good friend is a single mother to 12 & 8 year old girls, her mother passed away in 2011 and she just divorced.  Holy shit.

That's alot for anyone.  And now?  Cancer.  

During our short emails and conversations on Facebook, she never even hinted at any of this.   Her life seemed, well?   Perfect.

She seems to be in a good place with the dreaded word:  cancer.   I can't say that she has completely accepted it but she is slowly wrapping her head around it.   Years ago, she adopted a "clean eating" philosophy.  She exercises.  She doesn't use any products that contain toxins.  That's all good for someone battling cancer and starting chemo.

She is having a lot of inner turmoil with the chemo.  She is viewing it as putting something "bad" in her body.  I respect her values but damn it!  Just do what you need to do to get that crap out of your  body!  Last night,  she actually posted in her journal that she almost postponed treatment.  WHAT?!   

I know it's scary.  Really scary.  She is supposed to have her first treatment this morning.  I am praying and praying that she goes.  I know everyone has their own beliefs but I honestly don't believe a holistic approach is the sole treatment option here.

I looped back with my friend Sandra (the OB/GYN) and she's still very cautious.  Tammi has the most common form of cancer - Invasive Ductal.   She found a small, hard lump during a self-exam but it wasn't tender and she has a history of cysts.  A few weeks later, she found it again and this time it was sore.  2 days later, she had a mammogram. 

Tammi told me it's a small tumor (5mm) and it is NOT in her lymph nodes.  I hung up feeling relieved and optimistic.  And then Sandra said some things aren't adding up and she's wondering if Tammi is telling the truth.  Let me preface that by saying I completely understand that it is extremely difficult to take in all of the details when speaking with doctor after doctor.  I'm not in any way trying to imply that Tammi is "lying".   But, it is entirely feasable that she may be forgetting some stuff.

Sandra still thinks the course of treatment is extremely aggressive for such a small tumor.  She thinks Tammi also has metastatic disease.  That means the cancer is a traveller and jumping to chemo makes sense for that.

I'm so torn with what to believe.  I want to believe Tammi and that everything will be OK and it's not a big deal.  But, I can't ignore a doctor who understands what is going on. 

I guess that's neither here nor there.  It won't change how I support her.   I will not allow her to go through this alone. 

I know you don't know my friend but please say a prayer for her.