First, I wanted to thank DC, Wendy and Brenda for your support. I don't know what I would do had I not started this blog and found other women like you. It has been the best support system. Thank you!
I have decided that I'm done with HPTs. I'm not going to subject myself to that any more. I haven't tested since 3:30 am Sunday. No, I didn't wake up specifically to test. My dog got sick and I had to clean that up and then decided, "Well, while I'm up..." I might take one more on the morning of my beta, just to be sure. I still think it's going to be negative. Call it woman's intuition (or 6 negative tests), I don't know. I just don't think it worked this time.
I was pretty down all weekend and now I've passed in to the pissed off stage. I'm pissed because we spent money and time and because we wasted 2 really, really good blastocysts. And for what? For absolutely nothing. Infertility sucks.
I've started thinking about our next steps. This first cycle was covered by my insurance but I only have coverage up to a maximum of $20,000 per lifetime. With the average cycle costing about $12k, we've already blown through 60% of it. We do have 3 blasts frozen so that's the next logical step. I'm willing to jump back in pretty quickly. I don't know if FET is considered part of my IVF coverage or not - I need to check on that. If not, I'm guessing it costs around $4,000? Anyone know? If the FET doesn't work, I'd be willing to do one more fresh cycle and one more frozen if it were an option. And then, I think I'll be pushing the envelope. I turn 39 in April and might be at risk for the "donor egg" conversation. I don't want to go down that road. If it's not mine, I have no interest. I know that might sound selfish or ignorant but it's how I feel.
Well, just a few more days to get through and then I can move on. You know what else is bugging me? That I have to keep doing these damn PIO shots. I'm starting to get lumps and bruises. Damn IVF.
5 comments:
Hi Suzanne,
My name is Mitzi,aka known as Lavendar. I am 44 years old and have been going thru infertility for eight years now.I had to go with donor egg because my ovarian reserve is gone. I still get a P. every month but that's it.I just went thru FET last wednesday and it's my first try. I don't think it worked for me either because.....intution tells me so.If this doesn't work, I will be asking my sister-in-law if she wants to be a gestational carrier. I live in the state of new york and surrogacy is illegal.I have had a long road with this S___. Infertility, for me, makes me feel like half a woman. Thank god i have a supportive husband and somewhat supportive family. I will stop at nothing to have a child for my husband and myself. I am on a mission and nothing is going to knock me down. Oh, I have my days when I just cry my heart out. But it's only temporary. I get back up, and wipe off the dust, and move forward. We got 13 embryos out of this. We unthawed five and only three survivied the thaw, (which is to be expected, not all embryos usually survive the thaw)We have 8 left. So don't give up. Ever. That's the easy way out.THE HUMAN WILL IS STRONGER THAN STEEL!! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband that maybe this will have a happy ending. Take Care
Right back atcha, Suzanne. I'm so glad you started blogging too. I'm sorry IF is the reason, but grateful to find another person out there who just "gets" it. ((Hugs))
I don't know about FETs in the insurance coverage, but it is worth looking into. We are 100% out of pocket for everything and will likely never have embryos to freeze so I'm clueless on all this stuff. *wink*
I'm scared of the DE speech too as we are not ready to even consider it. It just sucks to even think about right now.
Hang in there and all my best tomorrow. I really hope your intuition is wrong.
I have no clue with FET but my girlfriend does. I'm unsure if she can help cuz she's not in the States. Here's her blog: http://iwantitvmuch.blogspot.com/
Infertility sucks, I know. I hate it too. Sometimes, I think, how low can one go? But I do hope that things work out for you.
I'll be thinking of you.
xoxox
We thought about the insurance issues a lot. Our plan covers a certain amount of cycles as opposed to a certain number of dollars. Thus, we decided to keep the embryos on ice for the time being and just do another fresh cycle. If we reach our insurance company's cycle max and have to start paying out of pocket, at least FET will be less expensive and hopefully we'll have a few embryos still.
Anyway, I am thinking about you and hoping you are doing ok. It's rough stuff, I know, but we are all here for you!!!
While I know how much having a baby means, in the instances of cysic fibrosis and blood disorders in children, the two biological parents neeed to be on hand.
Post a Comment