I think we all know the 8 phases of grief but I think it especially applies to a failed IVF cycle:
Shock - "Stupid CVS brand HPT. Why are you broken?"
Denial - "It's too early. I'll test again every day so I can drive myself crazy"
Bargaining - "Please, please, please be positive. I'll be your best friend?"
Guilt - "My uterus hates me. My embryos hate me. Hell, the whole world hates me".
Anger - "What the f*ck?! Why the hell isn't this test positive yet?
And, you... Yeah you, you stupid pregnant lady! Go home and lay in bed. You shouldn't even be out of the house".
Depression - "I'm never going to be a mother. I'm such a loser. Everyone is pregnant but me. I'm such a loser that I probably even screwed up taking the HPT"
Vagina Shopping - OK, so I made this one up but my sister and I believe it should be added. She had a miscarriage about 18 months ago and you guys know about me. After both "incidents", we both went on shopping sprees. She bought a puppy and tons of Xmas presents for everyone. I bought a new surround sound system (I don't know, I like electronics....) and enough clothes to dress 3 military branches.
Acceptance and Hope - I am convinced the aforementioned step is solely responsible for this last phase. I mean, really? I look great and my DVDs sound awesome!
5 comments:
Wow. I never had thought about an IVF failure and moving through all 8 stages, but you are so right! I feel like I could've written your post following one of my failed cycles.
I am again so sorry that it didn't work out for you. You will feel better when you begin a new cycle. It just really sucks right now. Big hugs!
I could possibly start my first IVF cycle next month but your emotions that you've listed run varied for me day to day.
big hugs coming your way.
I can relate to all of these even though I'm not one to pee on sticks. (: I'm glad you and your sister were able to find some comfort in shopping.
I hope your next cycle works differently as in the shock of "OMG, it's +". Wishing you all the best.
You totally hit the nail on the head with this one. I never thought about it before, but there are definite stages of grief after a cycle failure.
Thinking of you and hope you are doing ok . . . keep us posted on what you and the doctor decide about how to handle the next cycle!
My wife and I went through 2 rounds of IVF, with no success. Very hard on our marriage, but we're still together. We then looked into adoption. It took 2 1/2years but we have a wonderful girl from India, and are going through the adoption process again for a sibling for her. There are many many orphans in North America, and many more overseas.
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