First, thank you to everyone for your thoughts and words of encouragement. I'm OK, really. I had my cry last weekend when I accepted it was going to be negative and now I'm just planning for the next cycle.
I asked my nurse coordinator yesterday when I could get started again and she said to call on Day 1 as she thought my doctor would let me go ahead and start the bcp. It looks like as soon as tomorrow could be Day One. I'm spotting a little today and might have full on AF by tonight. I have my post-IVF consultation with the doctor on July 22nd. For right now, we're leaning toward a frozen transfer next unless the doctor recommends another fresh cycle. I'm open to either option.
My husband and I are still very disappointed this first cycle didn't work and I hope no one takes offense to my next comments. The feelings caused by this failed cycle are no where close to the feelings I experienced after the ectopic. I was actually pregnant and the only thing wrong was that it implanted in the wrong place. There was a heartbeat and it was growing. The feelings of loss and guilt were overwhelming. I had it and it was taken away. With the IVF cycle, I never had "it" so I sort of feel like I didn't lose anything. I don't know if that makes sense? I certainly don't mean to discount how women are feeling after a failed cycle. I do understand the feelings of frustration and disappointment. It took 7 years of negative pregnancy tests before the ectopic so I know how it feels to never see a positive. To me, after going through what I did 9 months ago, seeing another negative just doesn't compare.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July. Let's have fun today and try not to think about IF, OK?
4 comments:
I am glad you are looking ahead, Suzanne, and have some kind of plan in place. That always seems to help.
No need to explain your feelings or comments. Our journeys are all different. I can not imagine seeing a heartbeat and losing a baby especially after 7 years of IF. I can definitely see why that was much much more difficult for you to endure. I am so sorry for your loss.
Our IVF embryos are the closest we have ever come to a pregnancy and while the loss can not compare, I still feel a loss for the babies that stopped growing before they had a chance.
Lots of hugs coming your way. I pray we both meet our babies soon.
I had lunch today with a group of IF girls from a forum I joined. All of us with different journeys. One has gone through 21 cycles of IVF and I really admired her determination. I am terribly sorry for your loss. I'll be here, reading on and will light a candle in church for you tomorrow.
*hugs*
I hope you have a good post-IVF discussion with your doctor soon. My thoughts are with you as I know you're in a painful place.
Don't feel like you have to explain any comment or feeling you have: it's your blog! Feel however you like! Having never seen a positive test, I don't know what having an ectopic feels like. But, I do know that the growing embryos that have been transferred back to me via IVF are the closest I've ever been to being pregnant. So, I have felt a strong sense of loss with both of my failed IVFs moreso than any other IF procedure I've ever had. That's my journey. Everyone has a different story.
Good luck!
Just wanted to you to know that I was thinking of you. I'm glad that you are able to move onto a new cycle.
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