9 Weeks

I'm 9 weeks pregnant today. This is officially the "most" pregnant I've ever been.

The news is officially out at work. I started wearing maternity tops on Monday and it didn't take very long after that. I'm learning that most people suspected something last week and didn't have the nerve to ask.

I'm not quite sure how to take that?

Did they think I was chowing down on super-sized value meals at McDonald's every day?

"Woo We! Suzanne has really started to let herself go."

And, apparently, while I thought I was being so good at trying to cover my growing gut, I wasn't really. I guess people are more observant than I give them credit for.

In a way, I'm relieved that I don't have to worry about it anymore. While I would have preferred to keep things under wraps for another 3-4 weeks, it's nice to "let things hang out" now. I can be as fat and bloated as I want.

When people started finding out, I knew I'd get the question that everyone asks. C'mon, you know the one.

"Do twins run in your family?"

I really thought about how I wanted to answer that. I could just shy away from the question and say "No".

Or, I could tell people that we needed help and used fertility treatments.

I decided to go with the latter. Mostly because I'm not ashamed of what we've been through. I want people to know that it wasn't easy. I want people to know that fertility treatments doesn't mean 8 babies at one time.

But, there is a part of me that feels it's private. Extremely private. We've experienced a lot of struggles. Not only the disappointment of the 2 failed cycles, but over the last 8 years since we first started trying.

Part of me feels like it's something that I only want to share with my family and you guys.

There have been a few expected responses and attempts to relate. I've heard the "I have a friend who tried for years, adopted and then got pregnant" story twice. But, one positive thing has come out of it.

A co-worker came over to my desk yesterday to say "Congratulations" and then asked if she could ask me some questions about in vitro. Her daughter has blocked tubes and was told her only option was in vitro. Out of coincidence, she is using the same fertility clinic and my doctor!

I explained how it all worked and really felt like I gave them some hope. It was nice.

I'll admit that I definitely feel more comfortable talking about trying to get pregnant than I do about being pregnant. I've had 5 weeks to get used to the idea but it still hasn't sunk in. I feel like I'm talking about someone else.

Part of me almost wishes that I had some morning sickness just so I could make sure it's real. With the exception of feeling extremely bloated, I feel pretty normal. Everyone keeps telling me it'll happen when I start to feel movement.

At the very least, that will be reassuring. It's been a week since my last u/s and I won't have another until May 5th. It's hard not to worry about what's going on in there.