She clearly takes after her father
And a few more:
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
My Last Week
This is my last week before I head back to work.
I think I'm ready. Don't get me wrong, I am very, very thankful I've been off for the last 4 months but I'm ready to get part of my "old" life back.
Maybe I'm a little weird.... I like working. I like contributing and putting in a good day's work. I like to be recognized for my accomplishments. I like to know that I've done something.
And, after the last month, I've realized that being a stay at home mom is not for me. I have LOVED the time that I've spent with my kids but it has become very monotonous.
Diaper change, bottle, nap. Diaper change, bottle, nap. Diaper change, bottle, nap.
I think part of the monotony is from being stuck in the house. I'm sure it's different as the seasons change. Having the twins in winter has been hard because we can't get out of the house very easily. Sure we could walk around the mall but it never seems worth it. By the time we finish with a feeding, I only have a 2 hour window before it's time to eat again. When you figure in drive time and packing and unpacking the car, that leaves an hour. When I weigh all of that, it seems easier to just stay home. No kidding, I have gone 2 weeks without leaving the house.
We did have a 60 degree day last week and I took them for a walk in the stroller and that was awesome! Even something as simple as that helps to break up the day.
There is a large part of me that is a little sad. After spending every waking hour with the kids, it makes me sad to think that my time with them will be reduced to an hour in the morning, a few hours in the evenings and weekends. If I could find a half-way point and figure out how to work part-time, I think I would be one happy camper. But, I make just enough to count and there's no way we could live on one salary.
This week, DH and I are practicing our routine to prepare for my return to work. We got up and practiced everything up to driving. Here's my schedule from here on out. Ugh! 4 am?!
4:00 am Alarm goes off*
4:00 - 5:00 am Feeding
5:00 - 6:00 am Shower and dress while DH gets kids dressed and ready
6:00 - 6:30 am Drive to daycare
6:30 - 7:00 am Drive to work
7:00 - 3:30 pm Work
3:45 pm Pick up kids from daycare
4:30 pm Arrive back home, prep for another feeding and somehow try to start dinner** before Daddy gets home at 6:00 pm.
* Unless the kids wake up first but for the last 2 weeks, they've been sleeping until 4-5:00 am.
** Anyone have any good, low-prep dinner recipes?
This morning went well and I would have been ready to walk out the door at 5:50 am. Hopefully every morning goes that smoothly. Ha!
I know the first 2 weeks or so are going to be rough. We've been used to getting up at 4-5 am anyway and I've been trying not to take naps during the day but I do have that option.
I'm pretty sure my boss would frown upon me crawling under my desk for a cat nap (although the parking garage might start to look very appealing).
I think I'm ready. Don't get me wrong, I am very, very thankful I've been off for the last 4 months but I'm ready to get part of my "old" life back.
Maybe I'm a little weird.... I like working. I like contributing and putting in a good day's work. I like to be recognized for my accomplishments. I like to know that I've done something.
And, after the last month, I've realized that being a stay at home mom is not for me. I have LOVED the time that I've spent with my kids but it has become very monotonous.
Diaper change, bottle, nap. Diaper change, bottle, nap. Diaper change, bottle, nap.
I think part of the monotony is from being stuck in the house. I'm sure it's different as the seasons change. Having the twins in winter has been hard because we can't get out of the house very easily. Sure we could walk around the mall but it never seems worth it. By the time we finish with a feeding, I only have a 2 hour window before it's time to eat again. When you figure in drive time and packing and unpacking the car, that leaves an hour. When I weigh all of that, it seems easier to just stay home. No kidding, I have gone 2 weeks without leaving the house.
We did have a 60 degree day last week and I took them for a walk in the stroller and that was awesome! Even something as simple as that helps to break up the day.
There is a large part of me that is a little sad. After spending every waking hour with the kids, it makes me sad to think that my time with them will be reduced to an hour in the morning, a few hours in the evenings and weekends. If I could find a half-way point and figure out how to work part-time, I think I would be one happy camper. But, I make just enough to count and there's no way we could live on one salary.
This week, DH and I are practicing our routine to prepare for my return to work. We got up and practiced everything up to driving. Here's my schedule from here on out. Ugh! 4 am?!
4:00 am Alarm goes off*
4:00 - 5:00 am Feeding
5:00 - 6:00 am Shower and dress while DH gets kids dressed and ready
6:00 - 6:30 am Drive to daycare
6:30 - 7:00 am Drive to work
7:00 - 3:30 pm Work
3:45 pm Pick up kids from daycare
4:30 pm Arrive back home, prep for another feeding and somehow try to start dinner** before Daddy gets home at 6:00 pm.
* Unless the kids wake up first but for the last 2 weeks, they've been sleeping until 4-5:00 am.
** Anyone have any good, low-prep dinner recipes?
This morning went well and I would have been ready to walk out the door at 5:50 am. Hopefully every morning goes that smoothly. Ha!
I know the first 2 weeks or so are going to be rough. We've been used to getting up at 4-5 am anyway and I've been trying not to take naps during the day but I do have that option.
I'm pretty sure my boss would frown upon me crawling under my desk for a cat nap (although the parking garage might start to look very appealing).
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
"I Don't Like You"
I think that's what Kendall is saying to her brother every time I try to sit them next to each other.
With Kendall's hospital stays, I've been worried they missed out on some very important bonding time. I don't know if there is a specific time that is best with twins but, I would assume it starts in the womb and is supposed to continue after birth.
From the time they were born, they have been apart. In the NICU, they were in seperate isolettes. And, then Kendall was in the hospital for 2 weeks and then 3 weeks later, for another 3 weeks.
Since I've been home with them, I have tried to lay them beside each other to see if they would interact.
They don't. At all.
Now, I know they are still really young (2 months adjusted age) but it still worries me. Within a few minutes, one of them starts crying (usually Kendall) and they act like they want nothing to do with each other.
Mothers of twins, when did your twins start interacting with each other?
With Kendall's hospital stays, I've been worried they missed out on some very important bonding time. I don't know if there is a specific time that is best with twins but, I would assume it starts in the womb and is supposed to continue after birth.
From the time they were born, they have been apart. In the NICU, they were in seperate isolettes. And, then Kendall was in the hospital for 2 weeks and then 3 weeks later, for another 3 weeks.
Since I've been home with them, I have tried to lay them beside each other to see if they would interact.
They don't. At all.
Now, I know they are still really young (2 months adjusted age) but it still worries me. Within a few minutes, one of them starts crying (usually Kendall) and they act like they want nothing to do with each other.
Mothers of twins, when did your twins start interacting with each other?
Monday, January 18, 2010
Losing My Sh&#
Today has not been a good day. Before I vent, I just want to put a disclaimer that I'm about to complain about my day and taking care of my twins. So, if you are TTC or just don't care, kindly skip this post. I just need to get this out so I can de-stress.
Today was rough. The twins have been sleeping well at night (knock on wood). We usually give them their last bottle no later than 9:30 pm and try to have them in bed by 10:00. They have been sleeping until 4-4:30 am for about a week now.
Heaven, pure heaven.
This morning started like any other morning. We got up at 4:45 am and gave them their first bottles of the day. DH went back to bed and I slept on the couch with the babies on their boppies. DH left for work around 8:30 am and that's when all hell broke lose.
I am convinced they wait until I'm alone. I'm sure of it.
Christopher started crying so I figured he was hungry and made his bottle. He drank most of it but continued to be really fussy and antsy. He tends to get gas (haven't really figured out what's causing it because he doesn't get it everyday?) so I gave him some Mylicon and expected him to settle down.
Uh, no. He would only stop crying if I held him.
All. Day. Long.
He would start to fall asleep in my arms and I'd be able to put him down and then Kendall would start fussing.
And, then they would both startcrying screaming. I counted and the longest I went without someone crying was 5 minutes. All. Day. Long.
At one point, I had to walk away because I felt like I was going to lose my shit. I just didn't know what else to do for them. I couldn't hold both of them for more than a few minutes at a time before my arms got tired and it was clear that whatever I was doing, it wasn't right. It's the most helpless feeling.... ever. I completely understand the "Fight or Flight" response. I wanted to run away (no, I would never leave my babies... it's just how I felt).
Kendall finally went to sleep for about an hour and Christopher did for a whopping 20 minutes before he woke up screaming again. At this point, it was close to 2:30 pm and I had been dealing with the crying for almost 5 hours (and that's not including my own).
I took his temperature and it was normal so I gave him more Mylicon. More gas. What the hell?
It took me all day to fold one load of laundry and I am exhausted. It's 5:00 pm EST and this is the first time all day they are both sleeping at the same time.
This does bring me some concern. I start back to work in 2 weeks and my SIL is going to watch them. I have tried to explain that she might have days like today but until you experience it, you can't understand it.
I mean, I am their mother and I felt like I was losing my shit today. She has 2 kids, ages 8 and 4, so I'm sure she has experienced everything. I'm sure it's just me and my first-time momminess.
Tomorrow has got to be a better day. Right?!
Today was rough. The twins have been sleeping well at night (knock on wood). We usually give them their last bottle no later than 9:30 pm and try to have them in bed by 10:00. They have been sleeping until 4-4:30 am for about a week now.
Heaven, pure heaven.
This morning started like any other morning. We got up at 4:45 am and gave them their first bottles of the day. DH went back to bed and I slept on the couch with the babies on their boppies. DH left for work around 8:30 am and that's when all hell broke lose.
I am convinced they wait until I'm alone. I'm sure of it.
Christopher started crying so I figured he was hungry and made his bottle. He drank most of it but continued to be really fussy and antsy. He tends to get gas (haven't really figured out what's causing it because he doesn't get it everyday?) so I gave him some Mylicon and expected him to settle down.
Uh, no. He would only stop crying if I held him.
All. Day. Long.
He would start to fall asleep in my arms and I'd be able to put him down and then Kendall would start fussing.
And, then they would both start
At one point, I had to walk away because I felt like I was going to lose my shit. I just didn't know what else to do for them. I couldn't hold both of them for more than a few minutes at a time before my arms got tired and it was clear that whatever I was doing, it wasn't right. It's the most helpless feeling.... ever. I completely understand the "Fight or Flight" response. I wanted to run away (no, I would never leave my babies... it's just how I felt).
Kendall finally went to sleep for about an hour and Christopher did for a whopping 20 minutes before he woke up screaming again. At this point, it was close to 2:30 pm and I had been dealing with the crying for almost 5 hours (and that's not including my own).
I took his temperature and it was normal so I gave him more Mylicon. More gas. What the hell?
It took me all day to fold one load of laundry and I am exhausted. It's 5:00 pm EST and this is the first time all day they are both sleeping at the same time.
This does bring me some concern. I start back to work in 2 weeks and my SIL is going to watch them. I have tried to explain that she might have days like today but until you experience it, you can't understand it.
I mean, I am their mother and I felt like I was losing my shit today. She has 2 kids, ages 8 and 4, so I'm sure she has experienced everything. I'm sure it's just me and my first-time momminess.
Tomorrow has got to be a better day. Right?!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Confidence
The twins are 14 weeks old now (6 weeks adjusted). Time has gone by so quickly. I still look at them and find myself in disbelief that they are here and they are mine.
It all started with a little hope and a lot of shots. It looks so simple when it's all wrapped up in a small sentence. Unbelieveable.
After 14 weeks, you'd think I would have plenty of confidence in myself and my abilities as a mother. Do I feel more confident than when they were 2 weeks old? Absolutely.
It's been the twins and I, alone, for the last 7 work days and with each day, I am growing more confident. But, I still have lots of doubts. I don't necessarily doubt my ability to be a mother, it's more my ability to understand how to help my babies. To figure out what they need.
Would I feel differently if I had one baby? Probably. I'm not going to lie - the thought of them outnumbering me scared the hell out of me. What if they gang up on me and take over the house?!
Each day has brought a new milestone. Figuring out how to feed them at the same time no longer gives me a knot in my stomach. Listening to one cry while I console the other no longer panics me.
Today, we had our first outing. I know, you're probably thinking, "Big deal" but to me, it was a huge accomplishment for several reasons. Since they were born, I've been very protective of them. They were so small and born so early. And then, Kendall got sick. And then she got sick again. Over the last 3 months, they have only been out of the house for doctor's appointments and New Years Eve. I read the blogs of women who had their babies within a few weeks of mine and they are taking their kids all sorts of places.
In pub-lic! I have turned into one of those mothers, "Oooooh, the germs"! I completely realize that my babies can't live in a bubble all of their lives so I have started to let go a little.
So, last week was our first venture into pub-lic. We went to the mall for an hour (I had my "Back Off" face on the whole time).
Today, I took them to my office to see all of my co-workers. I packed all of their gear plus anti-bacterial lotion, Lysol and hospital masks. OK, I'm joking about the Lysol.
Confidence builder #1 - we have broken out of the bubble.
Confidence builder #2 - I took them out by myself.
I'm pretty proud of myself today.
And, since it's been awhile, here's a few photos:
It all started with a little hope and a lot of shots. It looks so simple when it's all wrapped up in a small sentence. Unbelieveable.
After 14 weeks, you'd think I would have plenty of confidence in myself and my abilities as a mother. Do I feel more confident than when they were 2 weeks old? Absolutely.
It's been the twins and I, alone, for the last 7 work days and with each day, I am growing more confident. But, I still have lots of doubts. I don't necessarily doubt my ability to be a mother, it's more my ability to understand how to help my babies. To figure out what they need.
Would I feel differently if I had one baby? Probably. I'm not going to lie - the thought of them outnumbering me scared the hell out of me. What if they gang up on me and take over the house?!
Each day has brought a new milestone. Figuring out how to feed them at the same time no longer gives me a knot in my stomach. Listening to one cry while I console the other no longer panics me.
Today, we had our first outing. I know, you're probably thinking, "Big deal" but to me, it was a huge accomplishment for several reasons. Since they were born, I've been very protective of them. They were so small and born so early. And then, Kendall got sick. And then she got sick again. Over the last 3 months, they have only been out of the house for doctor's appointments and New Years Eve. I read the blogs of women who had their babies within a few weeks of mine and they are taking their kids all sorts of places.
In pub-lic! I have turned into one of those mothers, "Oooooh, the germs"! I completely realize that my babies can't live in a bubble all of their lives so I have started to let go a little.
So, last week was our first venture into pub-lic. We went to the mall for an hour (I had my "Back Off" face on the whole time).
Today, I took them to my office to see all of my co-workers. I packed all of their gear plus anti-bacterial lotion, Lysol and hospital masks. OK, I'm joking about the Lysol.
Confidence builder #1 - we have broken out of the bubble.
Confidence builder #2 - I took them out by myself.
I'm pretty proud of myself today.
And, since it's been awhile, here's a few photos:
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Octo-Mom
OK, so I don't have 8 kids but I sure wish I had 8 arms!
The good news? After 4 days alone with mommy, the twins are still alive. The bad news? Mommy is exhausted!
For the most part, being alone with them has gone well. Kendall started running a fever late Monday afternoon and I immediately got that sinking feeling in my stomach. One dose of Tylenol and it came right down and now she's got pinkeye so the doctor thinks it was just a virus. Pinkeye is a piece of cake compared to what she's been through!
I'm still trying to find "my groove". My biggest worry was figuring out how to feed them. I thought it was a good idea to feed them at the same time so I found a hands free bottle system by Podee that I thought was the greatest invention ever. The bottle has a tube that runs from the bottle to the nipple and the baby sucks on the nipple like a pacifier. I tested it a few times before Monday and both babies were able to use it.
Feeling very confident, we plopped down Monday afternoon with our Podee bottles and the twins weren't having it. It takes quite a bit of suck to get the milk flowing and neither was playing that game. They kept spitting out the nipple. I think it's still a great invention but I think the twins need to be a little older to use them. They just got super frustrated and started screaming at the top of their lungs.
And, trust me. They have some lungs!
By Monday evening, I was worn out. My intent was to let DH come home from work and have time to relax before thrusting a baby at him but Monday, I couldn't help it.
Tuesday was a completely different day. I decided to stagger feed them and that's working much better. They have been eating on demand but for my sanity, I'm keeping them on a 3 1/2 - 4 hour schedule. It's easier to anticipate when I need to prepare the bottles and to allow myself time to get stuff done when they are napping. Plus, I think they eat better when they get one-on-one attention.
We've started to get a nighttime routine going and we're reaping the benefits (hopefully I don't jinx myself). They get their last bottle between 8-9 pm and we put them to bed by 10:00. The last 2 nights, they have slept until 4:30 am! 6 consecutive hours of sleep? Can you believe it?!
Today is a very exciting day because my sister is coming for the day. She lives close by so we see her all of the time but it will be nice to have an extra set of hands and oh, some adult interaction. I think we might venture to the mall today. I've been so paranoid about taking them out anywhere and for the most part, they have been living in the protected bubble of our home. The mall should be pretty dead during the day and we should be able to avoid a huge amount of gawkers.
The good news? After 4 days alone with mommy, the twins are still alive. The bad news? Mommy is exhausted!
For the most part, being alone with them has gone well. Kendall started running a fever late Monday afternoon and I immediately got that sinking feeling in my stomach. One dose of Tylenol and it came right down and now she's got pinkeye so the doctor thinks it was just a virus. Pinkeye is a piece of cake compared to what she's been through!
I'm still trying to find "my groove". My biggest worry was figuring out how to feed them. I thought it was a good idea to feed them at the same time so I found a hands free bottle system by Podee that I thought was the greatest invention ever. The bottle has a tube that runs from the bottle to the nipple and the baby sucks on the nipple like a pacifier. I tested it a few times before Monday and both babies were able to use it.
Feeling very confident, we plopped down Monday afternoon with our Podee bottles and the twins weren't having it. It takes quite a bit of suck to get the milk flowing and neither was playing that game. They kept spitting out the nipple. I think it's still a great invention but I think the twins need to be a little older to use them. They just got super frustrated and started screaming at the top of their lungs.
And, trust me. They have some lungs!
By Monday evening, I was worn out. My intent was to let DH come home from work and have time to relax before thrusting a baby at him but Monday, I couldn't help it.
Tuesday was a completely different day. I decided to stagger feed them and that's working much better. They have been eating on demand but for my sanity, I'm keeping them on a 3 1/2 - 4 hour schedule. It's easier to anticipate when I need to prepare the bottles and to allow myself time to get stuff done when they are napping. Plus, I think they eat better when they get one-on-one attention.
We've started to get a nighttime routine going and we're reaping the benefits (hopefully I don't jinx myself). They get their last bottle between 8-9 pm and we put them to bed by 10:00. The last 2 nights, they have slept until 4:30 am! 6 consecutive hours of sleep? Can you believe it?!
Today is a very exciting day because my sister is coming for the day. She lives close by so we see her all of the time but it will be nice to have an extra set of hands and oh, some adult interaction. I think we might venture to the mall today. I've been so paranoid about taking them out anywhere and for the most part, they have been living in the protected bubble of our home. The mall should be pretty dead during the day and we should be able to avoid a huge amount of gawkers.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Two Against One
Daddy returns to work today. That means I'm home alone with the twins all day long.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm nervous. I've been alone with them but only for a few hours at a time. I know I can do it - it's just the thought of trying to give them both enough attention.
And, oh yeah. Trying to comfort them when they are screaming. That's the worst. If you want to see something hysterical, come to my house and watch me try to do that.
I've become a contortionist while trying to soothe one in a bouncy chair and feeding the other.
On the bright side, I rock at the game Twister!
I return to work February 1st so I need to keep things in perspective, I guess. These are my last 4 weeks to spend time with them. Real quality time. I'm sad to think how it will be reduced to a few hours in the evenings and weekends when I go back. Ugh, that sucks.
My SIL is still planning to watch them during the day and that does bring some peace of mind with returning to work. I totally and completely trust her. Hopefully they don't scare her away because they can be a bit overwhelming when they both get in meltdown mode. She's coming to spend a 1/2 day with us on Tuesday to see our schedule and routine.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm nervous. I've been alone with them but only for a few hours at a time. I know I can do it - it's just the thought of trying to give them both enough attention.
And, oh yeah. Trying to comfort them when they are screaming. That's the worst. If you want to see something hysterical, come to my house and watch me try to do that.
I've become a contortionist while trying to soothe one in a bouncy chair and feeding the other.
On the bright side, I rock at the game Twister!
I return to work February 1st so I need to keep things in perspective, I guess. These are my last 4 weeks to spend time with them. Real quality time. I'm sad to think how it will be reduced to a few hours in the evenings and weekends when I go back. Ugh, that sucks.
My SIL is still planning to watch them during the day and that does bring some peace of mind with returning to work. I totally and completely trust her. Hopefully they don't scare her away because they can be a bit overwhelming when they both get in meltdown mode. She's coming to spend a 1/2 day with us on Tuesday to see our schedule and routine.
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