Hola from OBX

Just checking in. We left for our beach vacation on Sunday so I'm trying to get in as much relaxation time as I can.

I'm still taking the Provera pills and should finish those on Thursday. I'm starting to get crampy and like AF is coming any minute. I'm REALLY hoping my doctor was right and we timed it for AF to come when I get back.

I brought enough tampons to handle a massacre so I'm prepared just in case BUT I was also stupid.

I'm relying on my RE being correct about Day One being Monday or Tuesday so I didn't bother packing my Del Estrogen shots or my Estrace pills.

If Day One happens to be while we're here - I'm screwed.

I didn't receive my new FET protocol before I left so hopefully it's waiting for me when I get home. I'm sure it's the same as the last one so I can pretty much figure it out on my own. I'm thinking estimated transfer will be somewhere around September 15th.

That's it for now!

Putting Things In Perspective

I just read a story that gave me one of those "slap in the face" feelings.

I can't get it out of my head.

A fellow blogger (The Tale of Two Coins)who has been TTC for over a year found out she's pregnant on August 9th. Her husband died unexpectedly this week. He was only 31.

When you hear something like that, it makes you evaluate your own life and relationships. For me, it sort of put things in perspective.

As hard as infertility has been, I know I still have alot to be thankful for:

* I don't have any major health problems
* I have a good job that provides food on my table and allows me to enjoy life
* I have a roof over my head
* I have a great husband who is my best friend
* I have a supportive and loving family
* I have the option to do infertility treatments
* I have the strength to move forward, even when things are tough
* I have the courage to face my fears of the unknown, regardless of the outcome

As important as having a baby is to me, my husband and my family are more important and I can't imagine what she must be going through.

How about you? What are you guys thankful for?

It's A New Day!

... with some good news!

I did some thinking last night and decided there was no sense in waiting for AF to come - I might as well just suck it up and push forward.

Beach or no beach.

So, I called my nurse coordinator today to make sure I understood my conversation with my RE yesterday.

I'm going to start on a 7-day Provera cycle this Friday and then I should get my period about 4 days after I finish the pills.

The pros?

I get to skip the birth control pills after AF which means I could start the next FET cycle as soon as September 2nd.

And, it sounds like AF may not get to come on vacation after all.

The cons?

I've never been on Provera so I'm not sure what to expect? Has anyone taken it? Am I going to be miserable next week?

Anyway, I am super excited that I can get started on the next cycle so soon.

Here's to Round #3!

Cancelled

I got cancelled this morning. My lining increased slightly but not enough.

My RE mentioned she suspects I may have gotten a bad batch of estrogen? That worries me a little. How often does THAT happen?

She was going to give me a shot of Provera today to induce my period but I didn't want it for the beach next week so we're going to wait until I get back.

If I happen to get it naturally while I'm gone, I'll have to start bc pills again for 3 weeks.

I thought I was prepared for the news this morning and I did OK while I was there.

And, then, I got to work and started bawling at my desk. I thought it was best if I worked from home the rest of the day. No one wants to deal with that.

Plus, I'm not a good crier. My eyes stay bloodshot for hours, although they do turn an awesome shade of blue. :)

I'm really beginning to wonder if this is ever going to work for me. I know we all go through this and I'll probably feel better tomorrow but it's so fucking unfair right now.

It makes the ectopic sting all that much more. I had it and would've had a kid by now. I know it's not good to think about the past and what could've been but how can I not?

It's also hard not to blame myself - even though I know it's just medicine and biology. I feel like I failed. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard - for all of us.

On the brightside, at least I get to drink at the beach.

D-Day

Tomorrow is D-Day. Or, should I say L-C (Lining Check) Day?

I find out if my lining has cooperated or if I get cancelled.

McGyver wasn't available for comment so I had to figure out the blue pills on my own.

I thought I came up with an ingenious plan. I got a yeast infection kit and used the applicator.

I got everything prepared, put the pill in the little cup and thought "I am so smart!"

Uh..... not so smart because it worked about as well as a boat with a hole.

I couldn't get the stupid pill to come out.

If my husband had walked in at that moment, I would have been horrified.

Seeing me all hunched over, shaking this applicator with my pants around my ankles.

Since I'm not a gymnast and didn't want to risk breaking my neck by standing on my head, I had to resort to.... well, you probably figured it out.

So, who knows if they're working? Or, if they're even where they should be?

Guess I'll find out tomorrow!

Pills for my coochie?

I called my RE this morning to make sure I had the right prescription.

I do.

But, I'm taking them in the wrong way.

I'm supposed to insert the pills vaginally.

Say Whhaaattttt?

It had to have been the funniest conversation to overhear.

Me: I picked up my prescription last night and it's pills. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't a mistake.

Nurse: No mistake. You need to take them vaginally.

Me: But, it's just a little blue pill.

Nurse: Yes, I know.

Me: And, I wasn't given any "tools".

Nurse: Yes, I know.

Me: I just want to clarify - this is the same prescription that I had for my IVF cycle and I took them orally. Now, you're saying they also double as coochie pills?


So, how in the hell am I supposed to get a little blue pill the size of baby asiprin "up there"?

I'd need hands as big as Kareem Abdul-Jabar's.

I know!

This sounds like a job for McGyver! If he can fashion a bomb out of mayonnaise and tampons, surely he can get a little blue pill in my who-ha!

Wish me luck.... I'm goin' in!

Crap

I had my appointment this morning and I'm at risk for cancellation. My lining is still around 6.0 - so basically, it's exactly the same as Monday. I'm just not responding to the shots for some reason.

My RE said there's one more thing we can try - estradiol vaginal suppositories 2 x/day. I'll probably start those tomorrow and then go back on Monday. I'm not sure how long she's willing to wait on those. If they don't work, I'll get cancelled and we'll have to start over.

Obviously, I'm disappointed but with infertility, I also know that anything can happen. On the brightside, the embryos will wait for me as long as they need to.

If anything significant is reported this afternoon with my blood work, I'll post again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I have one last shot. Oh! Look at that! I make jokes when I don't even mean to.

One of the nurses just called. My RE is prescribing the vaginal cream and I can start on that tonight. My estrogen did increase from 279 on Monday to 391 today, but it's certainly not superstar status.

If my lining isn't thick enough on Monday, I'll get cancelled. The nurse said my dr. would prescribe Provera and then we'd just jump right back in again. I think Provera is used to induce AF? Anyone know?

So, worst case, I guess that only puts us behind a few weeks. Still diappointing because I'm not holding out much hope for the "miracle" cream but I guess you never know.

I think I'm more surprised than anything that I'm having problems with this. I thought FET would be a piece of cake and never expected to get cancelled.

It just goes to show that anything can happen and infertility continues to uphold its reputation of putting us through pure hell.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Last update today, I promise!

I just picked up my prescription and was pleasantly surprised to find Estrace pills. It's the same dosage I had for the IVF cycle and my lining seemed OK for that so maybe, just maybe, they'll work.

I'm not quite sure why I have them because I know my RE specifically asked if I remembered the little blue Estrace pills, I said "Yes, I still have some leftover" and then she said "Well, it's not the pills this time, we're going to do vaginal suppositories instead".

Maybe she reviewed my records and decided the pills were OK?

I'm still a little skeptical because I only have 3 days to prove myself. Can 7 little pills really make that much of a difference?

But, I am happy that I won't have to deal with any of that yucky, disgusting, white, thick, oooey, gooey, mess that would have been coming out of my nether region.

Can I get an amen for pills?