Let’s hope our 2 “Wonder Embryos” are just that. The other 2 didn’t make it and arrested yesterday. So, if Wonder Twins don’t activate, we are back to square one… again. The nurse said not to be discouraged because it is not indicative of the 2 we put back – they all grow independent of each other. But, really? Who wouldn’t be discouraged? 2 of the 4 keeled over!
I asked if she could tell the grading of the 2 we put back and she said it wasn’t noted in the computer screen that she can access. So, all I know is that my doctor said they looked really good and I guess I’ll have to trust her. I have to assume there was a reason for choosing the 2 she did.
Today is 4dp3dt and to be honest, I’m not feelin’ it. I’m just not. I said from the start this cycle was different and I was taking that as a good sign – maybe it still is, I don’t know?
I have no desire to POAS and to be honest, there are times when I forget we did the transfer. For the first time, I feel like I won’t be a mother. Ever. I won’t say I was completely devastated by the 2 failed cycles but it hurt like hell. I’m sure part of this is my defense mechanisms. You burn me once, I forgive you. You burn me twice and I never trust you again. That sort of describes my relationship with my uterus.
I’m almost ½ way through my 2WW and I know it’s still very, very early. In my heart and head (and it’s not often those 2 agree), I know it’s early. When Sunday or Monday rolls around, I might turn into super-obsessed HPT lady again, I don’t know. But, for now? The days are passing as if nothing has happened.
4 comments:
Ok, so I just looked back at your previous post and she chose the 2 8cell embryos because they were right on target..the other ones were unusually behind/advanced and that normally means that something is abnormal.
So don't let your hopelessness take control over you...Hold your head high...you WILL be a mother, it just might not come in the package you currently hope it will.
Keep the faith.
I'm sorry that you are feeling discouraged. It is still early. I hope that you have good news at the end of your 2ww. Huge hugs.
We're all being faithful for you. Hang in!
HUGS!!
E
It's very easy to have mixed emotions during the 2WW. But don't let the development of the other 2 embies get you down about your ET...the nurse is so right...every embie is different!!! Good luck when you decided to POAS!!!
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